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Planning Beyond the Ring: Money Conversations for Engaged Couples
There’s so much joy and anticipation following an engagement. It’s a time full of celebration and decisions, from planning the wedding to organizing guest lists and dreaming about the honeymoon. Before long, you and your partner may begin to talk about the bigger picture and the life you hope to build together.
Maybe it includes buying a home, traveling, getting a dog or having kids. These conversations can feel exciting, hopeful and energizing.
And yet, one topic is often quietly avoided: money.
Many couples see financial conversations as awkward or unromantic. Some wonder if they’re even necessary. But these conversations go beyond budgets. They help define expectations, explore values and prepare you for the financial decisions ahead.
In our work with the families we serve, we’ve found that couples who talk about money early tend to build more trust and face fewer surprises. These conversations lay the groundwork for honest dialogue. After all, money reveals priorities. How we spend, save, give and plan says a lot about what matters.
Our wealth managers are committed to helping you feel confident in the life you’re building. For couples starting that journey, early financial conversations are an act of care. They bring clarity, uncover shared values and create a strong foundation for what’s ahead.
Let’s take a look at how to begin these conversations with curiosity, not pressure, and turn what’s often avoided into something meaningful.
Why talk about money before marriage
Engagement marks the moment you say yes to building a life together. That life will include shared goals, changing circumstances and many financial decisions. Some expected, others not.
Waiting until after the wedding to talk about money may feel easier in the short term. But conversations that happen during engagement — before financial pressures or deadlines surface, like buying a home, starting a family or navigating career changes—tend to be more collaborative and grounded.
“Planning early isn’t about merging finances overnight.
It’s about understanding each other and shaping your future as a team.”
It’s about understanding each other and shaping your future as a team.”
When is the right time to start planning together?
A common question from engaged couples is whether it’s too soon to plan finances. Often, it’s the best time.
Engagement is a moment when decisions feel exciting rather than urgent, and conversations can happen free from the pressure of immediate action. Planning now isn’t about locking in answers or merging everything at once. It’s about building awareness and setting expectations before bigger commitments arise.
Starting early helps couples approach money proactively instead of reactively—especially when emotions or life changes come into play.
| If you’re wondering what these financial conversations sound like in real life, Money Tales, Aspiriant’s podcast, features real stories from people navigating financial decisions and relationship dynamics. These episodes help normalize what can sometimes feel like sensitive or taboo topics. |  |
Questions to help you understand each other financially
When it comes to financial planning, we don’t suggest starting with the numbers. Instead, begin by understanding how each of you approaches money conversations. Talk about how you make decisions, how you prefer to communicate and what a financial partnership means to you.
These early discussions can uncover more than just goals. They reveal the beliefs, habits and experiences that shape each person’s relationship with money. That’s why we often begin with a few simple but thoughtful questions:
- What beliefs do you each hold about money?
- What does financial security mean to each of you, individually and as a couple?
- How do you each approach spending versus saving, and where do those approaches align or differ?
- How do you respond to financial stress or uncertainty?
- When you think long term, what does a “comfortable life” look like to you?
- How do you think about financially supporting parents or family over time, and what feels reasonable to you?
If you’re wondering how to ease into these conversations, the fathom article “A Lasting New Year’s Resolution: Talk About Money” outlines three practical steps to help you begin:
- Identify your core values
- Reflect on past experiences with money
- Practice speaking your thoughts out loud with curiosity
These techniques can help you reflect individually and start financial conversations that are thoughtful, open and rooted in what truly matters to each of you.
Your goal is to build shared language, identify points of difference early and lay a foundation for thoughtful financial decisions as a team. For many couples, working with a neutral third party such as a financial advisor or counselor makes it easier to move from avoidance to intentional, confident conversations before, during and after the wedding.
| For further perspective on how money conversations can deepen understanding and confidence, consider listening to Aspiriant’s Money Tales episode “Women, Wealth and the Power of Money Conversations,” which explores how intentional financial talk shapes how people think about money and communicate about it with others. |
Start with your own financial snapshot
Before you can plan together, it helps to understand where each of you is starting from. Taking time to reflect on your individual financial picture can bring clarity without pressure.
Each partner might consider:
- Income sources, such as salary, bonuses, equity or business income
- Savings and investment accounts
- Debt and ongoing financial obligations
- Family responsibilities or support
- Expected changes ahead, like career shifts, relocations or vesting timelines
When couples share this information, it helps uncover any meaningful differences and creates space for honest, collaborative planning.
From there, the conversation naturally shifts from “yours and mine” to “how do we want to approach this together?”
From conversations to coordination
Planning your financial life together doesn’t require having all the answers. It begins with building shared language and learning how to make decisions as a team.
Some couples choose to merge finances. Others keep accounts separate or use a hybrid approach. There’s no one right way. What matters most is choosing an approach that reflects how you both prefer to manage money.
| For some couples, coordination may also involve legal steps. A thoughtfully designed pre-nuptial agreement can support transparency and address potential complexities—like significant assets, business ownership or children from previous relationships.
Not sure if a prenup is right for you? This article explores when the timing may make sense, and this guide outlines how prenups differ from cohabitation or post-marriage agreements. |
Let’s talk about your future
Whether you’re newly engaged or already building a life together, having a trusted partner in your corner can make a big difference.
A financial advisor can help you:
- Clarify your individual and joint financial picture
- Identify shared goals and areas of difference
- Explore planning options that support your evolving life
For many couples, working with a neutral guide creates space for honest conversations and helps reduce misunderstandings. It can also bring structure and clarity to your planning process as you move toward marriage and beyond.
If you’re curious how others navigate these topics, Money Tales—Aspiriant’s podcast—shares real stories about financial decision-making, life transitions and what it means to plan with intention.
We’d love to hear your story. Talk with a financial advisor to explore how we can support your financial life—with clarity, care and long-term perspective.
